Dear Wollstonecraft (Member #1797):
We are sorry, but Member #1851
has filed a stalking and harassment
complaint against you.

Per contractual agreement, we must now
ask you to refrain from any further contact
with her, whether through the auspices
of our website or otherwise. Your email
and chat session privileges will certainly
be suspended otherwise.

“Elsa Lancaster” will thus no longer
be available for graveyard picnics,
lightning-photographing sessions,
or as arm candy at this year’s Mad
Scientists Convention.

Also, while we’re discussing errant
behavior, let us again remind you
not to send any further candid selfies
of your “Promethean baby-maker.”
(Surely, given its pigmentation,
a late addition to your post-revival phase,
am I right?)

Agree to these terms and we here
at I♥ will be happy
to continue to provide our specialty service
to those of your much maligned, but
no less worthy of love, kind.

Director of Outreach Services

Robert Borski