History Teacher
Mr. Egbert’s voice sent shivers up your spine
like fingernails on a blackboard
and yet somehow managed to maintain
a shrill monotone drone.
Despite this, his class listened with rapt attention.
You see, whatever Mr. Egbert said in his history class
was the absolute truth.
Not before he said it, but once the words were uttered
the entire classroom was transported to alternative timelines
where what he said was the absolute truth.
Sometimes the students walked in and somebody was president,
and when the bell rang and the students exited
it was somebody else holding the office.
Once during a particularly spirited lecture
when Mr. Egbert murdered a Chinese emperor
who had never been murdered before
and the timelines instantly adjusted,
one of the students in one of the middle rows
spontaneously changed sex, transforming from a short chubby boy
to an awkwardly tall slender girl
(and unfortunately just as homely in either gender)
and the whole class just laughed.
No one wanted to ask any questions
about how such a thing was possible.
They only knew that whatever Mr. Egbert said that day
became the gospel truth,
entire timelines shifting to make it so.
You did not have to listen closely
to realize Mr. Egbert’s lectures
always featured a beautiful, spirited heroine,
Sacagawea, Amelia Earhart, Jane Goodall and others,
the same beautiful, courageous, goddess
appearing in different forms over many centuries
and always just beyond his reach.
The bell rings and Mr. Egbert gathers his papers,
heading towards the quiet home he shares with a patient cat,
spending his evening dreaming up new histories
for tomorrow’s lecture,
and trying to align all his alternative timelines
until at last his world is ruled by a benevolent queen.